LEX MALLARD
Phony Stark
Lex Mallard is the slick, silent founder of Quamazon, Eggspace, and over 113 other subsidiaries disguised as freedom. His perfectly polished dome reflects every dollar he’s made off the backs of overworked delivery ducks and unpaid interns in the cloud. Lex doesn’t believe in ethics—only logistics. Every box he ships, every drone he launches, every worker he replaces with an algorithm is part of the same vision: one duck… to own them all.
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Catchphrases:
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“Efficiency above empathy.”
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“If it exists, I’ll sell it.”
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“Customer obsession... not compassion.”
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“The pond belongs to progress.”
LEX MALLARD
Distortion: The Distortion of Late Stage Capitalism
Origin Story (Bio):
Once just a scrappy little duckling selling pond pebbles online, Lex struck it rich when a viral video of him slipping on an oil-slicked lily pad earned him investor attention. From there, he scaled beyond belief. Egg by egg, he swallowed industries whole—until he no longer waddled, but hovered. Nobody remembers his quack anymore—just his profit margins.
Likes:
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Vertical integration
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Surveillance disguised as convenience
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Bald eagles (for obvious reasons)
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Labor "flexibility"
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Workers using bottles for bathroom breaks
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​Dislikes:
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Unions
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Slow delivery
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Ducks who remember what community feels like
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Books that aren’t about him
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Signature Moves:
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Nest Consolidation – Buys up local mom-and-pop nests and rebrands them as “LexPress Hubs.”
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Algorithmic Enforcement – Forces all Duckiverse characters into hyper-optimized, soul-crushing workflows.
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Featherfall PR – Uses platitudes and flashy charity drops to cover mass exploitations.
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Drone Domination – Sends silent, camera-wielding drones to surveil every pond and protest.
Bonus Lore:
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Once tried to sell a book called “The Mallard Code: How to Quack Like a Billionaire” — it was banned in three libraries for being classified as both “dystopian” and “delusional.”
📦Lex's
Favorites:
​Residence:
A floating obsidian dome dubbed “The Eggspire,” located at the center of the Privatized Pond Sector. It hovers. No one knows how.
Transportation:
The Mallard One — a silent, jet-black luxury hoverpod shaped like an egg, propelled by oppressed geese on invisible treadmills.