COLONEL BLUFFINGTON
The Green-Eyed Egg
Colonel Bluffington is loud, proud, and profoundly uninformed—a feathered caricature of ego without spine. He crows about freedom while fencing off the cornfield. Struts like a war hero but never left the nest. Bluffington built his brand on volume, not virtue—boasting of victories he never earned and puffing up tales no one dares fact-check.
He believes if he just keeps talking, truth won’t get a word in. His motto?
"Crow loud enough, and they'll forget the eggs you broke."
He has a loyal (and confused) fanbase called The Coop Troop, who wear tiny red hats and storm public libraries to ban goose memoirs. He spreads fear through barnyard broadcast networks like DUCK NEWS and releases endless manifestos written entirely in capital letters.
But when the Pattern begins to reawaken?
Colonel Bluffington panics.
Because deep down...
He knows his crown is made of paper.
And the winds are changing.
​
Catchphrases:
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“I’M THE MOST LOVED LEADER IN THE HISTORY OF THE COOP.”
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“EVERYONE IS SAYING IT—THE EGGS HAVE NEVER BEEN FULLER.”
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“FAKE FARM NEWS!”
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“ONLY I CAN FIX THE COOP!”
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“THE GEESE? TRAITORS. THE DUCKS? DISASTERS. SAD!”
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“I NEVER SAID THAT—AND IF I DID, I SAID IT PERFECTLY.”
COLONEL BLUFFINGTON
Distortion: The Distortion of Faux Patriarchy / Narcissistic Echo (Bio):
Born in a gold-plated nesting box and raised on inherited corn, Colonel Bluffington strutted into politics after being disqualified from the annual Rooster Flex-Off for pecking mirrors instead of facing his opponents. He quickly took over the airwaves with nonsensical slogans and patriotic feathers, declaring himself the rightful ruler of the Coop. His leadership is based on volume, vanity, and a refusal to admit he's ever laid an egg—even metaphorically.
Likes:
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Being applauded (especially by himself)
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Giant parades with his face on banners
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Yelling “WRONG!” mid-sentence
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Golden feed buckets
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Birds who agree with him no matter what he says
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Rewriting history in real time
​
​Dislikes:
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Being applauded (especially by himself)
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People mentioning his tiny, little, babylike itty-bitty claws.
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Giant parades with his face on banners
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Yelling “WRONG!” mid-sentence
-
Golden feed buckets
-
Birds who agree with him no matter what he says
-
Rewriting history in real time
​
Signature Moves:
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The Great Deflection – When cornered by truth, Bluffington spins in a wild circle, flapping and shouting nonsense until everyone forgets the question. Feathers fly, slogans blast, and somehow the blame lands on someone else (usually a duck).
Bonus Lore:
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He once tried to build a wall around the henhouse and made the geese pay for it. It collapsed within three days—and he called it “THE BEST WALL. STRONG WALL. EVERYONE LOVED IT.”
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He claims he weighs a lean 7.2 pounds, "all muscle baby." "doctors are shocked at how healthy he is." In reality he's pushing 14 - and that's before lunch.
🥚BLUFFINGTON's
Favorites:
​Residence:
The Grand Coop Tower — a gaudy golden spire in the middle of Blufftown, decorated entirely with portraits of himself in various heroic poses. An insane amount of gold everyone.
Transportation:
The Grand Coop Tower — a gaudy golden spire in the middle of Blufftown, decorated entirely with portraits of himself in various heroic poses.